using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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