WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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