My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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