I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
