after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize