he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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