I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
