You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
