you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
