ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize