I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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