I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I supernannyed him into submission
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
