everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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