So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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