She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
