no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
