yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
