You can't motorboat a personality
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
