Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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