Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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