I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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