Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
