Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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