are you still at the devil's house?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize