So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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