remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
