Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you win again, gameday.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
