found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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