I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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