she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
