Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
false alarm, still single
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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