I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
