Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
