I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
