i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
