Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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