this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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