If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
