I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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