His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
