Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
