Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
