I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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