I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
