so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
