I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
