he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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