haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
