he thought i was a dude.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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