i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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