And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
