dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
