I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
