i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
