Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
