Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
