Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
