if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
