Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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