It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
