make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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