i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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