Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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