you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
