im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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