Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
