She is in my trunk
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
