the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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