I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
