you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
