I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
