I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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