i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
